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I am an idiot.

Monday, December 20, 2004
It's a little past 5:00 AM because, once again, I am torqued beyond belief from drinking diet pepsi all night at work...argh! Anyways, I couldnt fall asleep. So I decided to post something. But I can't think of anything. So in an attempt to save you all the time it would take to read this post, time which you could all use to be doing something more productive (like getting a life, for God's sake. Who am I anyways, do you even know me, or did someone just give you my screenname because I have a funny blog), I have preemptively decided that this will be called the "Least Interesting Post Ever." After all, we're only in our second month here at Life of Randy (TM), so we're getting the kinks worked out early.

Anyways, here goes. Work today sucked, I screwed up at least two checks which the managers had to change before cashouts, and I spilled something twice. The first time it was three bottles of beer all at once, the other time it was a skinless baked potato all over a korean man's infant son (luckily it was what the kid wanted, so in one way or another he got his meal...also I don't normally see korean men out all by themselves with their infant sons...but thats a different subject). Luckily it was a slow night, with an abnormally low volume of Korean nationals coming into the restaurant, so I was spared the humiliation of spilling food all over their children again.

When I got on the train, I realized that I had elected to get on the car that contained none other than "Annoying Fat Girl From Work Who Has A Crush On Me Because I Am The Only One Who Will Talk To Her, But She Doesn't Realize I Only Do It To Be Nice, Because Joe The Mean Manager Makes Fun Of Her". Now mind you she hadn't been working that night, she just "happened to be in the neighborhood". My personal theory is that she was taking pictures of my shoe size or inner ears, but whatever. She proceeded to tell me a made up story about how her boyfriend got hit by a car over the weekend and then of course felt it was necessary to show me her new tongue ring. At the sight of this, I promptly vomitted all over myself and all the other passengers on the train. By the time everyone had finished cleaning themselves up, it was time for me to say goodbye to "Annoying Fat Girl From Work Who Has A Crush On Me Because I Am The Only One Who Will Talk To Her, But She Doesn't Realize I Only Do It To Be Nice, Because Joe The Mean Manager Makes Fun Of Her", at which point I collapsed into the nearest soft place, which happened to be my landlord's dumpster, to recuperate from the "tongue ring" incident (At this point, if you haven't caught it yet, I've started to embellish the story slightly, to make this post a little more bearable. Think of all the things you could be doing right now to do something with yourself, but instead you read this. For shame.).

After about 5 or 6 hours of many tears and gnashing of teeth (Old Testament references are krunk), I got my ish together and went upstairs, hung out with Adam, went on a scavenger hunt around the apartment for the my things which had been moved out of the common area, thanks to the one and only Steven Frederick, and now I am here typing to you. There, that was my day. I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I haven't.


Time (not) well spent. Or: Time well spent (not).

Wednesday, December 15, 2004
OK so obviously Life of Randy looks a little different. This is because the last template was designed by someone with all the HTML scripting skills of a tennis shoe (incidentaly, tennis shoes are known as the "idiot of shoes" amongst shoes, while the smartest shoes are, obviously, velcro sandals with white socks). That being said, it will probably change alot in the days ahead as I figure out a new hosting solution for the images I want on the site.

Things I must also fix:
1.) Getting the comments to show
- getting comment authors names to show
- getting the site to not require you to register to leave a comment
2.) Edit the OLD Life of Randy marquee to fit the NEW Life of Randy's division dimensions
3.) Getting Blogger.com to let me use my own titles for my posts instead of just times and dates, which miraculously I figured out how to do last time but since then I have, of course, forgotten.
4.) Get a girlfriend and/or life so that I don't need to keep making this site better for you people, who could care less anyways (self-loathing/self-degradation; the sure-fire way to keep the audience entertained...just ask Conan O'brien)

Ok so thats it for now. Clearly this is consuming far too much of my time, but since I drank 4 Mountain Dews earlier at work, time is all I have tonight since sleep will not be on the agenda. And just to make things PERFECTLY clear, I know the picture I am using currently is stupid. You don't NEED to tell me that. I know it comes off as emo-ish, and thusly annoying. But it was the only picture in all of the world wide web that I could find in 5 minutes that would fit the frame I had written for the original image. So don't think this will begin to be like all those idiots on MySpace who take planned "candids" of themselves in thick-framed emo glasses to let you know how much of an individual they are. BAH!

Complete mind blow...

Tuesday, December 14, 2004
So I was browsing the internet today, minding my own business (which happened to be trying to find a new nforce4 motherboard with SLI support so I can build the most disgusting computer of all time...dual GPU's....*drool*) and I got a little sidetracked as I was searching for Sara Bareilles, whom I mentioned in yesterdays post. And I came upon this website that sells independently released albums from around the world. Basically they try not to carry any major record label releases. In browsing their "Top 20 Sellers of All Time" I came across this little number: Prozak for Lovers. I listened to a minute or two, and I am still suffering the after-effects.

I probably sat in my parents living room for the better part of an hour, completely enthralled and beguiled by these sultry, bassanova-esque remakes of songs like "Don't Fear the Reaper" and "I Wanna Be Sedated". It was unreal, I felt like I was on some kinda beatnik mind trip that had managed to last 30 years longer than was originally planned (believe me, blowing your mind is a complete logistical nightmare). Anyways, whatever, I think I've lost it a little, but I felt the need to share this with you all. Please, oh please, at the very least, listen to the remake of "Reaper". It'll make you want to curl up into the fetal position and curse the gods of Classic Rock.

In other news, blogger.com sucks because its stupid proprietary template system has trouble displaying, what we call in technical terms, "images". Yes, apparently showing pictures is just too tough for the little-blogging-site-that-could. Either that or its Webshots fault for not letting me host the sites marquee image on their site anymore, they must have some kind of traffic limit. If only you people would stop clicking away at the link in my profile like banshees (because thats what banshees do, they click alot), then we wouldnt have this bandwidth problem.

Alas, the curse of fame. I cannot escape my own celebrity.

Back for the first time...

Monday, December 13, 2004
OK, so after a month long hiatus I am finally posting again. The main reason for not posting for this long was mainly due to the fact that I spent roughly 2 hours on my last post only to have it be deleted be an accidental mouse click on the "back" button. Curse you web-based word processing! I guess the solution would be to draft my posts offline using my MS Word, but that would be too taxing on my handicapped multi-tasking ability, which is roughly equivalent to that of a mature goldfish, as well as the measly 684 megs of ram this computer has (which doesnt sound that bad until you take into account that it also has to deal with roughly a dozen start up program and lord knows how many more registry tweaks and spyware programs. Of course a little hard-drive maintenance would do the trick, but who has that kind of time).
But I digress.
So anyways, yeah, thats why I haven't posted in so long. I dont care if that bothers you, deal with it. In other news, me and Adam have been discussing it and we've decided to start a themed "Group Blog" chronicling the zany hijinks our group of friends often find themselves in. The contributing authors would be allowed strictly on an invite only basis, and they would be assigned an agreed upon nickname or call-sign upon their first posting. The jury is still out on what exactly the name of the "Group Blog" will be, so for now we are just calling it "Group Blog" or "D.H.'s great idea which exhibits his vast creative and cognitive abilities". That said, here is the current list of candidates for inclusion in the group blog, including their suggested aliases.

Group Blog Members:
President - D.H. "The Deotch" Bathon
Vice-President - Adam "Quincy Hawthorne esq., Duke of Enrighteous" Larr
Secretary - Dan "Barista" Sewell
Lucas "Korea" Suh (also known as "38th Parallel")
Tyler "Tooler" Cameron
Christopher "iRuss" Traganos

Other names for consideration:
Steve "I-20" Schnell (also known as "Schnollaback" or "Schnellular")
Tim "Tiny" Killea
Reyn "The Talented Mr. Hornwood" Hornwood (simply for spaz/random value)

So there you have it. Clearly this is an ambitious endeavor, hopefully this won't go the way of alot of our other great ideas (i.e. nowhere).
So with that said, its time to get serious for a moment. No, just kidding, but I do want to rant and rave about a singer called Sara Bareilles. She's from Los Angeles and has a regular gig at some bar there, but thats not the point. The point is that she sang a song that made me feel romantic feelings for the first time in a long time, instead of the normally high level of disillusionment I am used to experiencing. Har! In all seriousness she has a great voice with good lyrics and understated musical accompaniment. The only downside is that she toured a little with Maroon 5, which is a band that makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a paperback version of Peter Benchley's "Beast". But her talent easily makes up for the fact that I will be blind for the rest of my life.
Well thats all she wrote for now, I'm gonna go to bed, its 2:30 on a Sunday night and I have to work tomorrow. But I'll leave you with the lyrics to Sara's song "Gravity".


Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.


I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down.

Dang. Goodnight.