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Its @#$% expensive to be healthy.

Sunday, February 26, 2006
So I've lost 5 lbs. Yada Yada Yada, shut up, thats not the point. Why does EVERYTHING that is good/wholesome/beneficial cost more? And why is EVERYTHING that is bad/detrimental/umhealthy so cheap??

The point is this: I lost 5 lbs, but it cost me a frikkin' FORTUNE. Odwalla bars, a bike tune-up, fresh fruits and vegetables, a gym membership, a tummy tuck (ok, I made that one up)...etc...etc...it's all unbelievably expensive. I have been living at the envelope of my means for two months now, I even had to tap into the ol' savings account last week. And do you know what it took for me to gain all that weight to begin with?

Cheap beer, Easy Mac, and more (and even cheaper) beer. Its ridiculous. The model can be stretched to parallel situations. Wal-Mart consumerism versus "Mom-n-Pop Shop" quality for instance. Yeah, its cheap and convenient, but its bad for the environment, their foreign factories have horrible working conditions, your grandfather loses his job at the local grocery store and the farm goes into foreclosure and you have to start hustling at the local pool hall to get by (note: This should be a movie. We need to get on that. Call Hollywood.)....you get the point.


I mean granted, I want to be healthy, so you could make the argument that . I've been on a health kick lately (as much as someone who likes beer and fatty foods CAN be on a health kick.), so I've been trying to purchase not just food products that are wholesome and good for me, but body/hygiene products as well. I guess thats why I'm freaking out. A healty Odwalla bar as opposed to a Snickers bar? $3 vs. $0.89. A pair or recycled and organic cotton khaki's or a pair of jeans from Structure? $24 vs. $55. Head-And-Shoulders dandruff shampoo or organic dandruff shampoo made with all natural oils? $2.98 vs. $8.99. I don't get how by NOT adding pesticides, chemicals and inorganic compounds to something allows a manufacturer to charge MORE for it Well...yes I do, I understand that technically taking out the cheap processes actually makes the products more expensive...but I don't get why it HAS to be that way.

So for now I will continue to pay out the wazoo (wazoo?) for peace of mind. But I don't like it! Not one little bit!

MySpace and other such nonsense...

Saturday, February 25, 2006
So I'm on MySpace now. I don't even know how it happened. It just did. Its like I got mugged, but instead of having my wallet and leather jacket taken, I got whatever sense of legitimacy and self-respect I had for myself taken instead (not that I had much to begin with). The regulars among you will note that in point of fact MySpace did make it on to my 2nd list of "Things That I Hate/Annoy Me" all the way back in February of 2005. The regulars among you will also note that I have no regulars, just people who occasionally check in to see how I am going to embarrass myself on the internet this time. If you were confused by this last statement, its cool, so was I (Wow, this post has a particular self-derogative feel, doesnt it?).

Anyways, so I'm on MySpace. Check me out. I'm awesome.

www.myspace.com/thedeotch

In seriousness there is a purpose to all this I probably will just use it as another agent of self-promotion. One day, if it at all possible, I will turn all this useless stuff I do on the internet into a career, well probably not a career because that would require a job were I have to do stuff that other people want me to do, and we all know how I feel about THAT....but at least I could turn my computer saavy (...ha!) into a means of support, somehow. You've gotta admit, I'm entertaining, if nothing else.

In other computer related news, I just got my second photoshop/illustrator job. After making the stuff for my Relay for Life team and the flyer for Alpha Omega's Superbowl party, I guess I've got my name "out there" (not so hard in the bustling megalopolis of commerce that is Athens, GA). A local construction firm/contractor wants me to design a logo/letterhead for them. This will be a real test, I feel like I am good at screwing around and messing with my computer, but to actually produce copy and material for an actual company that will be used as a copyrighted insignia and letterhead, well thats a different matter entirely. I'll keep you posted, and if possibly post some material on the site.

Anyways, this has turned into a semi-serious post. Relish in this because them come infrequently, and when they do, they are boring. If you want some humor, just scroll down and look at the pictures of David Hasselhoff (My namesake, I used this joke a ton last night, so I had to make mention of it.)

Oh and I'm going up to Highlands tonight to support Jenni's mom in the Chili Cook-Off. Apparently she made me a t-shirt. Holler. Hopefully I'll get some pictures.

Another Journey

Friday, February 17, 2006
So I will be gone for the next few days, I will be going to Anguilla to see my family while they are on vacations. It should be pretty nice, we are staying here:HA! I am hilarious. Not really. I have no friends.

No but seriously, I'll be gone, so you guys are gonna have to fend for your selves by viewing lesser, more asinine blogs than this (if such a thing exists).
....
Oh yeah, I've got the perfect one. Check out Dan Davis' blog , but only if you're really in to hearing a lot about his girlfriend.
Anyways, thats all for now. See you on Tuesday. And to everyone traveling up to Columbia, SC this weekend, have fun and be safe, its a dangerous place. We all know how hard and gangster Reggie is...ha!

I think I am gay.

Thursday, February 16, 2006
So tonight I'm at a crossroads, and here is why:


I do not mean for this to be construed as derogatory or condescending, its just that after being exposed to the raw and unrefined masculinity of this picture, I don't see how I could ever again find the female form attractive.


(I'm kidding for the love of God)
...
(but I did seriously think about it.)

Since everyone is mad at me.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I've decided to treat you all with this:It's currently the background on my computer right now. Whatever David Hasselhoff is doing, the Pepsi bottle likes it. Apparently it is part of Pepsi's ad campaign in Australia. If people in Australia have ceased buying Coke products all together, well we would all know why. I myself will vomit at the sight of Coca-Cola red and white for years to come because of this picture. Can I just say something though? "Brown and Bubbly" has got to be the WORST single way to sell a beverage. When I think of "Brown and Bubbly", I think of my lower intestine after a particularly enthusiastic visit to Sonny's BBQ, not a sweet, crisp and refreshing beverage. A thought for you. Now to serious (well if its on this blog, not really) stuff.

I will not take down my previous post (mostly because I'm getting lots of hits because of it...). Try to bear in mind I wrote it on a whim at 4:00AM after studying for a test, so its not necessarily in the idiom or parlance it would have been had a taken the time to write it as i saw fit (or to be sensitive...ha!). Also, its supposed to piss you off and to be FUNNY. Anyways, I actually agree with Matt's comment, stronger women will benefit everyone, I guess I just take issue with two conflicting messages I am being presented with (see: "choose a stance and stick to it!"). Maybe it's a semantic difference thats getting us, because I consider women's susceptibility to body image issues a weakness (in the same way that a man's difficulty being emotive and propensity for starting wars is a weakness), and maybe you don't. Look at it more as a characterization that typically works to the detriment of women. And the whole "white male " thing...well you can just discount that (for now). I'm not going to even try and broach that subject, I don't want to piss of THAT many people (50% of the population is good enough).
Anyways, thats probably the last time I will address that. I encourage everyone to read Matt's comment below (he's obviously trying to score a date...just kidding Matt), he makes some good points, some that I honestly hadn't thought of, some that I had but didn't take the time to include. Oh and visit his blog here:

Life in 3D

Until next time. The Deotch.

If women are so tough...

Saturday, February 11, 2006
...then why do they need a Self-Esteem Fund? It's not that I'm against girls feeling good about themselves, I think society has placed extremely unrealistic expectations concerning the body and visual aesthetic on women (and in a growing way, men). All humorous bravado aside, and I am well aware that this paradigm may be hard for you to suspend since there is usually a considerable amount of bravado, and just general jackassedness on this blog, but I consider myself pretty "liberated" (or whatever) in this regard.

You can talk to me in person about my personal feelings on the issue, but I can honestly go as far as saying that leg hair does not effect me like it makes some of my cohorts in gender cringe (you can call this concept "liberated", or call it "healthy", as i do). I really can honestly say that hair, make-up, ridiculous hair coloration is all something I don't NEED to have to be attracted to someone.

Obviously like every other person I find glamorous women who are done up and dressed up as attractive as the next guy, in the same way that I feel like a total stud-machine when I put on a nice suit and shave the ole' puttum (read: face) but I also think there is a time and place for such niceties.

The..."organic" quality, if you will, of a woman without all those things lends itself to a reality and depth in my mind that I find extremely appealing. Its easier for me to connect with someone when I can look them in the eyes, and not at the sparkly blue petroleum by-product they have smeared right above them.

Of course right now I sound like that guy Andy in your dorm freshman year who played guitar (all John Mayer songs) and was "deep" and used the exact line above about "looking you in the eyes" to hook-up Sarah down the hall, but only because he "respected her". But I really mean it, I just can't figure of a less douche-bagged way to say it.

But I digress. I say all this because I want everyone to understand that I have a particularly open-minded and broad view of the world (at least in my estimation, which is of course always right, and thus never really "at least" anyways, which of course makes what I have just said in these parantheses moot...*sigh*) and know that I am a nice guy before I say the following: Women are full of grade-A $%!#. It's total baloney. I really can't help but feel like this is SOMEHOW going to get pinned back on me (i.e. a white male). Everything else is our fault, why shouldn't this be. We make you feel ugly, fat, yada yada yada (welcome back bravado!). If your all so frikkin' tough and self-sufficient, then why the HECKFIRE do you need a god-forsaken FUND to make you feel better about yourselves. Great Odin's Raven, just find a stance and stick to it. I'm sure that commercial pissed off some women like it did me, but the vast majority of women I have seen it with think its a great idea, and then in the same conversation go and rattle off some crap about how men are pigs, thereby building up and then tearing down the same standard of self or other-imposed weakness.

In other, less completely confusing words, if by saying you think that this "Self Esteem Fund" is a great idea, you are saying women are weak and need a coalition to stand up for you when you are feeling like you have "puffy ankles", or lets just say it, when you eat that extra Snackwell's Mint Cookie and you feel like you did when Grandma said you should "cut down on sweets". And you still want to tell ME that you are TOUGH?!? Granted, I'll never have to carry another human being for 9 months and then squeeze them through my pelvis, but you'll never have to fight 3 frat guys after I decide that I don't like how one of them looked at me and throw my drink in their face. You're not tough, you're a woman. Sheesh...

Honestly, until there is a war, famine or natural disaster over your ankles, you're just all just silly in my book (here it comes, I'm such a pig aren't I). And furthermore, what is WRONG with being concerned with how you look? Why CAN'T women as a gender be more sensitive and have a penchant for urbanity, gentility and grace and be all the other things that make them women and that make me like being around them so much to begin with, all things that are to men "weak", but what make a woman the only gender I wanna talk to when I feel weak and down.

Let me break it down to you like this (i.e. like a man thinks...at least typically...I realize of course I am speaking in huge, sweeping generalities, but hey, its more fun this way): Take any standard you judge yourself by, specifically in this case the standard of beauty the westernized world has placed on its women, (i.e. you don't look like Keira Knightley...and you never will), and then say you decide to adopt this standard and judge yourself by it, but when you judge yourself by this same standard you always feel bad about yourself, well then I got a novel, fund-free solution for you:
DON'T PRESCRIBE TO IT. DON'T LISTEN. STOP WATCHING TV (or Pirates of the Carribean or Love Actually...etc...). Go ride your bike or something. If you don't look like frikkin' ridiculous, waifish, "I-could-break-her-over-my-knee" Keira Knightley, then hallelujah, you are like every other woman in the world. You are in the majority. She's the freak, and you are the standard. She doesn't look like you, and in 100 years when the girl that looks like you is the hottest thing since sliced bread, well all Keira's the world over are gonna write in their journals about how they wish that Christopher from Algebra (or in the future, Space Algebra!) thought they were cute, and you are gonna have the last laugh aren't you.
I really hope somehow, some part of this post makes sense. Gender roles can be some of the most frustrating/confusing things for me to talk about. This started off as a funny post, but its clearly turned in to something else, mostly still funny, but a little serious too, if in a stupid kind of way. I was going to edit it for content (and for its complete lack of one cohesive thought) but I kind of like it as it stands. If you agree (or...*sigh*...disagree) with even ONE little piece of this, LET ME KNOW. Thanks, have a lovely evening.

What a lame Superbowl

Monday, February 06, 2006
Steelers fans are such losers. I don't even wanna hear about it, don't even bother sending me a retort because I make no concessions. You can make fun of New England all you want, at least I don't come from a city known for a dying industry that should have capitulated to the advanced textiles and aluminum industry years ago, but because of pro-steel congressional legislation (hell, they own a football team), the city stays alive in the land locked, culturally devoid wasteland that is central Pennsylvania. Do I seem harsh? I am. The bottom line is, at the end of the day, when all is said and done: You are from Pittsburgh. You may have won tonight in the game of football, but when you die, you will have lost in the game of Life.

Need I say more?"I might not have a job where I don't have to breathe in noxious metallurgical chemicals, a city with a winter shorter than 7 months and noticeable topography, or an economically viable skillset or trade, but I'll tell you what I do have!: A Lombardi trophy and an inflated sense of self-worth!"

Subaru Fever!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006
The constantly evolving (devolving?) being that is D.H. Bathon. *sigh* It gets a little frustrating at times, I won't lie, all the changing and fluctuation. But alas, I remain a fundamentally tumultuous person, so ultimately I'm cool with the way I am. God bless me.

So anyways, aside from not posting for over two months (a fact that I am not even going to sort of address. I've been busy. Lay off.), I've been on a search for the perfect vehicle. I know I was all over dat mid-size truck/SUV tip as of November, but I have since changed my mind yet again. While I haven't completely ruled out that truck/SUV route, I don't know how I can reconcile the fact that SUV's are awesome with the fact that they drink more gas than Paul my roommate does Johnny Walker Red Label on an average Saturday night (which is an inordinate amount...sounds like a classy guy, doesn't he? I mean what college aged kid drinks scotch?), so I am left with something of a quandary, I must compromise, but where? Do I throw morality to the hogs and purchase something that will ultimately increase my output of carbon? Granted, I am aware that pretty much any sort of combustion engine will do that, but hey, I need a sweet ride just like the next man. Or do I go hybrid and sacrifice utility and functionality, along with several masculinity points (and my self-respect)? BAH! Alas, I may have found the answer: Subaru.

Subaru has long been known for its quirky vehicles that are jack-of-all-trades, and masters of a few as well. Powered with boxer engines, driven by AWD systems, sporty when it counts but capable when the going gets rough, they are truly athletic vehicles. And if you, like I, can get over that fact that typically their bodies appear to be designed by rodents, or at least inspired by them (B9 Tribeca??? Ugh.), then it would appear that this is the perfect car!

However, they do lack the necessary...how do I put this..."beefiness" that would characterize my perfect vehicle. Well, after some in depth Google-ing, I believe I have found the answer in the form of...

This:
A Subaru Forester, king of vehicular compromise (is it a car? is it a truck? is it a station wagon? is it ugly?). But not a lame, stock Forester. A turbocharged Forester with a 4" lift, an added front diff, and knobbys. I believe the term is "holler back"? Either way, its just plain sexy:

Needless to say, I was instantly in love. Think of it! 22 mpg, with the offroad capability of a car twice its size (and half its fuel efficiency). Awesome, I can't think of a more pleasing compromise. So at this point, I am set on getting this car (this will most likely change in a few weeks). Check out more pics here.

Let me know what you think.